Interested in getting involved in the world of amateur bike racers? Enigmatic website Velominati has set out 95 rules which, they say, lead to The Path to La Vie Velominatus, whatever that is. We have paraphrased 10 rules we think are most important to start with.

The world of bike racing is rather peculiar. Even during the toughest races, when the competition is slamming down the hammer, you can receive a compliment about your frame. Or a comment about unshaven legs (trust me, been there). While most riders say it’s all about speed, the most fanatical amateur racers are about far more than that. They are stylists. Velominati is a website which has established a set of rules for bike racers, which may, or may not, be taken with a large pinch of salt.

#5 Harden The F*ck Up

No explanation required

#9 If you are out riding in bad weather, it means you are a badass. Period.

Cycling in good weather is not an achievement. When you climb on your bike regardless of the weather, you become a member of a special group of riders. Riders who love the work.

#10 It never gets easier, you just go faster.

The all-encompassing cycling quote from none-other than Greg LeMond. It doesn’t matter how hard you train, it never, ever, gets easy.

#17 Team kit is for members of the team

A controversial rule. Velominati is hard-line on this one, only riders who are paid to do so by a sponsor, may wear team clothing. However, if you must wear team kit: everything should match perfectly, even down to the socks.

#19 Introduce Yourself

Important rule! Whenever you join a group of unknown riders, at the very least announce that you are there. Then the group can adjust to your presence. If you can’t stop talking, then the group has the right to drop you like a stone.

#33 Shave your guns

Legs are to be shaven at all times. If you do have some fluff on your legs, be sure to hurt all shaven-legged riders you come across by riding hard and fast. Or accept that you’ll be labelled a weird hippy.

#36 Eyewear shall be cycling specific

Only wear cycling shades. No normal sunnies, or clip-ons. And, citing rule #37, the arms of the sunglasses will be worn OVER helmet straps.

#55 Earn your turns

To earn the right to go down the mountain, you must have climbed up it. It is forbidden to ascent the hill by any other means than the bicycle in order to descend. The only exception is parking your car at the top of a mountain in order to do 20 hill repeats.

#59 Hold your line

Ride predictably, and don’t make sudden movements. Under no circumstances may you deviate from your line.

#1 Obey the rules